I am so fucking full of it today I might very well explode.
I would love, absolutely love, to share the details with you, but, today I must be brief.
Suffice it to say that I’m hella pissed. And, I’m trying so very hard to work a good program and keep this temper tantrum at bay. I’m still a newcomer and this is a moment where I absolutely cannot “maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles.”
I am not a fucking saint today. I’m human. And, I’m an alcoholic human that’s sober to boot.
I tried writing this post five different ways, and, each draft comes out more seething than the last.
I started this blog to chart my progress in sobriety. Today, well, it isn’t a set back, but, it sure isn’t progress. It’s a struggle to see where these new techniques and ways of living that AA provided me with, fit in to my story. And, today, I’m just not in a place where I can connect the dots.
I’m not usually an angry person. In fact, I’m pretty even keel. So, when I get angry, I hardly know what to do when I’m not trying to adhere to the principles of the fellowship, much more what to do when I’m working a program that asks me to be the best version of myself. Today, as it turns out, I am not that version. So, I need to stew on it.
Should I come to any Earth shattering conclusions, I will be sure to inform you all.
Thanks for humoring me. Please, excuse me before my alcoholic head pops off.