Day 25: Bitches Unite

Women are fucking crazy.

I have no problem stating this with absolute certainty. I am one.

In the past, my company has, for the most part, been comprised of men and a few select ladies. It has been my experience that much of the time, women’s petty quarrels and competition stand in the way of genuine friendships. Drama. And, while I love a good play, there came a time when the bullshit dramatics that can often be synonymous with the female experience got really fucking old.

When I was with my ex, this wasn’t really a problem. I spent the majority of my free time with him. But, after we split, my friendships fast became limited to who was sitting next to me at the bar. 99.9% of the time, these folks tended to be male. Which, was all well and good when I was spoken for, but, the dynamic changes drastically when you’re single.

In order to fend off creeps and skells, my bar persona became a hard one. Bitter and angry bar rat. And, even this bitchy costume I wore was not enough to stop certain pursuers. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, which might be due to the fact that I wasn’t doing much thinking at all. But, as I go forth in sobriety, I’m beginning to learn that as crazy as bitches are, they’re really good to have in your life.

In my rehab group, as well as in the AA meetings I attend, women have taken on a whole new role in my life. The petty dramatics that I so hated seem to melt away in these contexts. There is nothing petty about recovery. Drama, yes, but, almost never petty.

The female experience of addiction is pretty intense. And, that’s not to say the male counterpart’s isn’t, but, they’re very different. Our roles in society, family, the workplace, and intimate relationships make for very unique coping strategies through addiction. And, in these recovery support groups, it’s important we rally and collectively share our common experiences. In this way, my mind and eyes have been opened to a new perspective on female interpersonal relationships.

I’ve recently become quite close with a very strong, fun, intelligent woman in my rehab group. Our experiences with drugs and alcohol really couldn’t be more different, but, we have found  this common ground in our loss of selfs- Self will, self worth, self respect. Much of this tied into our relationships with men. In talking with her about a wide array of subjects, I’ve found that, perhaps, in the past I’d been petty about how I viewed women and the roles they play in my life. How I arranged my life in such a way that living without many female friends enabled my isolation and addiction. This position enabled men to be in a position of real power in my life. All the while, I thought I had the upper hand. ‘Twas not so.

I still struggle with my female relationships, don’t get me wrong. But, through recovery, I’ve come to realize that drama or no drama, petty bullshit or no petty bullshit, we’re a sisterhood. And, with a foe like alcohol, we need to rally. And, collectively identify the steps we can take to have systems in place to protect the delicate checks and balances of our sex and its power as we battle alcoholism.

There are so many strong women out there fighting for their lives. And, that unity of common purpose, well there ain’t nothing petty about it.

2 thoughts on “Day 25: Bitches Unite

  1. I’ve been out of sorts for the past week, so I hadn’t had a chance to read your posts and I needed them tonight! You give me so much insight and inspiration, so please keep writing! You’re such a great resource for people in recovery and those participating in the recovery of loved one. Thank you!

  2. Have I told you lately how much I love your style? Well, no I haven’t because I am so far behind in my reading and commenting, but I smile when I get your emailed post notifications.

    Some men can do drama well, but not like us bitches. Geez… I can’t believe women are so catty with each other. I think it’s a big trust and betrayal and boyfriend stealing thing- I hear it said by women in meetings so often, “no offense ladies, but I just didn’t like ya’ll or trust ya’ll at the beginning.”

    But we sober women really do need each other. Love the title- bitches unite indeed!

    Thanks for your posts. Keep putting it out there and feel free to reach out if you ever need anything… ~ Christy

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