“Are we celebrating any milestones in sobriety today?”
“I’m withoutaglass, and, I’m an alcoholic. And, I have thirty days today.”
All I can say is Thank You.
Thank you for this month. Thank you for this day. This life. These fresh, new breaths of air that I am breathing.
The world is changed and bright.
If I had known everything that has transpired in the last thirty days could happen to me, I would never, ever have sunk so low. But, it was God’s will that I learn these lessons. In this way. This magic. It was meant to be sought and found, not given. It was by the trials and tests of the past month, the work and seeking, the tears and new resounding laughter that I was brought here, to this day and this moment.
Sure, in the grand scheme of things it’s just 30 sober days in what I hope will be a lifetime of them, but, today means so much more than a dinky number. It’s a measure of my strength, devotion, will, and faith. It’s the first of what I know will be many milestones. The prologue that sets the stage for what’s to follow. And, what a beginning it has been.
I am new. This woman. This fucking woman, man. It’s just crazy. A transformation of, well, everything. Belief. Priorities. Goals. Behaviors. Habits. So, so, so much. I seriously thought I might combust at several moments today.
And, there is so much more ahead. This, just the first step in a staircase of a sky rise.
The beauty is that, for the first time, I can see it. I can see that the future, whatever God has in store for me, is climbing out in front of me. Endless possibilities multiplying with each tiny victory. Where there once stood just a row of bottles filled with spirit after spirit, now sits a horizon.
Recovery and sobriety have become so much more than the omission of drink in my life. They have given me life. The ability to feel a way that I did not know I could feel. It has challenged everything I knew and thought about myself. Who I was and who I am. And, when I find myself down and out, because this euphoria will wear off, maybe soon, I know that I can return to this day.
I can pick up my 1 Month coin, and hold it between my fingers, and feel the energy that I so lovingly squeezed into it today. A penny from heaven. This day, and so many others in the past thirty, magical and revolutionary.
AA has blown out all these walls that held me back and down. And, now, I’m free.
And, it’s time to conquer.