All week long I’ve been looking forward to tonight, Saturday night.
After a long, jam packed week, I’d planned on camping out at home drinking chai tea and watching Netflix. In fact, I’ve been counting down the days to get to this moment.
Earlier today, at my second AA meeting of the day, a new friend, an acquaintance really, came up to me and said that just because I’m a newcomer and I’m sober doesn’t mean Saturday night has to be boring. He invited me to join a bunch of other AAers at a metal show. I don’t really know any of the people going, or the AA who’s band is performing.
My immediate reaction was: No. It’s going to be awkward. I just know it. And anyway, I’ve been planning on isolating all week. Nothing’s gonna stop me. Nope. Not exchanging my make-up-less weekend at home for a gussied-up epic social event failure.
Yet, here I am. Sitting on the couch. Thinking about it.
Netflix is rolling, but, I want to get out suddenly. Maybe it’s the crap weather, or fuck, maybe it’s the program actaully trying to change me. But, I want to get out of my comfort zone. I want to put on a dress, do my fucking hair, and go be around people. How long am just going to go from meeting to meeting, treatment group to treatment group? What’s the point of all this work to improve my life, if living my life consists of spending my lone, free time on a couch in sweats petting my cat. I mean, fuck, I might as well be drunk. But, I’m not getting drunk. My life is way too good to get drunk.
How bad can this be, really? And, if it sucks, can’t I just leave? Of course I can. And maybe, just maybe, this will be fun. Perhaps I will meet some cool AA people? There’s no way to know if I don’t give it a shot. So, I’m going to give it a shot. Socially awkward sober adventure, tally ho!
So, pardon the brevity of tonight’s post. But, I have some gussying up to do.
Mama’s going out tonight.