Pray for understanding and compassion.
After talking with my sponsor, reviewing yet another week in the life, I see even more themes beginning to reoccur in my day to day experience.
Even as I look back over my posts from the past week, I can recognize where there is still much work to be done. Mainly in how I deal with, and think about, others. While I’ve been very available and loving to some in my life, there are still so many places where I can only see as far as my world view allows. I struggle with accepting another’s experience and difficulty with a sympathetic eye many times. Just because I’ve been so fixated on the ways I can and should improve my life, in and outside of the program, doesn’t mean that everyone else is on the same page.
“Patience my young Padawan,” a wise Jedi once said. Things I need, will come. And, things that others need, they will come to them too. But, what others need in their recovery and in their lives will not always run parallel to my vision for them, or myself. I can only be of service to others in the way they want to accept my service. And my offer, well, it may be what I have to give, but, it is not always what someone else needs to receive. That’s an interesting lesson to learn. Especially since I am still learning to give of myself. And, giving of yourself is hard. So, it’s difficult when someone doesn’t need or want what you have.
Just one more thing to accept.
This week, I embark on actual step work for my sponsor. Step 1. I am very excited. I have done so much reflection in the last 43 days. I feel spiritually, emotionally, and physically different. I am ready. Ready to set out onto what I know will be a long, sometimes painful road. But, with the Emerald City staring at me, miles and miles away, I lace up my boots and prepare myself for the journey.
Sobriety has offered me so many blessings. Lessons I could never have learned without the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. A relationship with God, and, with myself. A way of acting and thinking that benefits me and the world, instead of tearing it down.
So, with the help of my God, my family, my new friends, and my fellowship, I step out onto the Yellow Brick Road. Thinking only of the mysteries that I will encounter on the way to my destination.
And, I look forward to each blip in the road with an open mind and heart.