Day 52: Sleep, Be Not Proud

Sleep. I need it motherfuckers.

Since getting sober, coming up on two months ago, my sleep patterns have been a haphazard mess.

My treatment center has given me herbs, I’ve tried exercising to the point of exhaustion, copious amounts of chamomile tea, napping, not napping, drinking coffee only before 5PM, not drinking coffee, hot baths, listening to Buddhist monks chant on my iPod, changing my diet, and I just can’t get this rest thing down.

Sure, I’ve sorta been running myself ragged. But, doesn’t that mean I should be tired? Or, sleepy, I should say. Because, I am undoubtedly tired. Dead tired.

I’ve taken to sitting on the couch, mindlessly crocheting, writing, and watching more Netflix then I care to admit.

I’m sure that a big part of my highs and lows are related to my sleep deprivation. I feel like I’ve got everything else down, at least right now…

I managed to get a couple hours of sleep in after meeting with my sponsor on Sunday afternoon. Only to be greeted with strange, awful dreams. And, even after my power nap, I felt like was going to collapse after eating dinner. So, I went to bed, fell off to sleep, only to wake up at 2AM thinking it was 7AM, excited to hop out of bed and get to my daily AA meeting.

I called my treatment center and told them I wasn’t coming in. Even if I just sat on the couch and stared into space, the thought of getting out of my PJs, getting acupuncture, and doing yoga made me cringe.

I haven’t taken a day off since I started treatment. So, I felt odd and somewhat guilty. But, I had to focus on self care. I am a freaking zombie. I used to love sick days as a kid. Curling up on the couch or in bed. Skipping a shower, and getting all down and dirty with my bad movie-watching self. Moseying to the kitchen and scouring the cabinets for an unexpected and well-deserved sick-day treat.

Holla. Holla, I say. I needed this. Just to sit back and do nothing. No worrying, thinking, or planning.

So, what is the deal?!? What’s a girl gotta do to catch some ZZzzzs when a fifth of vodka isn’t an option anymore?

Well, I’ll tell you: Watching The Green Mile (which is a fucking long ass movie), making good food, and drinking tea. And, while I did venture out (without make-up, I will add) to attend my women’s meeting, because, I just couldn’t squelch on my service commitment, it was a nice break from meandering aimlessly in my apartment.

The result? Well, while I wouldn’t call last night’s sleep the real deal, I feel better today. Maybe not caught up on my REM sleep, but, at the very least, rested. My morning meeting was lovely, followed by an invigorating workout at the gym. I’m ready to face the day and head back to treatment. Pound the pavement of sobriety.

So, the lesson here is, take a day and rest. Maybe I didn’t get the shut eye that I’ve been hoping for, but, at least my body didn’t have to be in a perpetual state of sober motion. And, lord, that sure was nice.


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