Day 62: With A Heavy Heart, Adieu

Goodbyes suck. Especially ones that are unexpected.

I mentioned last week, in Day 55’s post that my best friend in my treatment program relapsed. Luckily, it was an episode that could have been a lot worse. And, as much as it sucks, she knows that there was a valuable lesson to be learned from the events that occurred. We had a long conversation about being aware of what things you’re in control of, and, the things you’re not. It can be a slippery slope for a lot of addicts and alcoholics.

The addicted brain makes excuses, bargains, reasons (however illogically), and baits to get you back to your substance. I don’t have to relapse to know that to be true. I hear my mind running all day long. I see how it bends anything and everything to get me into that bar, or into that liquor store. Just this one last time…

Well, even after that ‘one last time,’ my friend made it through her relapse. We mended our friendship, which was not as injured as I had made it out to be. We both were in strange, unfamiliar mindsets. But, there is a new development. She’s moving back home.

My friend’s ‘back home,’ is in my home state too, New York. So, she’s moving clear across the country.

I found this out at the last minute. She flies out just two days from now. I haven’t really had any time to process the whole situation. I just know I’m sad. Sad to lose a good friend in recovery. Sad to lose a trusted confidant. Sad that I won’t see her in our groups any longer. It’s a total bummer.

I’m worried too. My friend has a lot of demons back in New York. And, I know that it’s her recovery, so, she has to make her own decisions. But, from my point of view, the return back East is a high risk situation. Given her recent relapse, I worry that because of the raw and vulnerable place that she’s in, it will be easy to fall back into the traps of the addict life she once knew, all too easily.

But, there’s nothing to do but give it over to her higher power, and, pray to mine to keep her safe. It’s out of my hands. And, I know from working my own program that I can only do what’s best for my own sobriety. Listen to others, but, decide for myself. Let God be my guide. So, I must trust that my friend’s God will look after her, too.

So, my weekend begins with a heavy heart.

All my best wishes go forth into the universe for my great friend. I pray that she finds a stronghold in her sobriety back home, and, when she’s tied up her loose ends there, perhaps she’ll return to us here in God’s country: The Great Pacific Northwest…

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One thought on “Day 62: With A Heavy Heart, Adieu

  1. I’m sorry your friend is moving. Yes, goodbyes are always hard. Social media and skype and all those other goodies make staying in touch easier, but I know it’s not the same.

    And such an early lesson to learn in “letting go.” I have a best friend in another state and it was very hard watching her do battle with her demons. I had to cut myself off, and have only now started to open that door again. It taught me a lot about detachment and keeping my own side of the street clean. I wish your friend the best. And you the best too.

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