Jesus Christ, it’s Thanksgiving in just a little over a week!
Where has the time gone people? I’ve been running around like a mad woman. Truly, there are moments I wonder how I used to get through past holiday seasons, as drunk as I was. How on Earth did I prepare for this shit?
My folks fly out from New York next Monday. I’m taking a few days off from treatment to spend time with them and I’m pretty stoked. While I talk with them frequently, they haven’t seen me since I got sober, so, this will be a treat for us all, I’m pretty sure.
I’ll be honest though, the excitement of their visit is laced with some anxiety.
I am completely changed, in every way possible. In mind, body, and spirit. New. So, it’s a tad bit daunting knowing that the people who know me and love me more than anyone else in the world, might have to make some adjustments. We’ll all need to. There’s this new mindset to deal with, and, oh fuckin’ yeah, there’s no booze.
My folks are not always excessive drinkers, certainly not in the way I was, but, we all indulged together every now and then. And, I’m a little nervous about how drinking will factor into my holiday season with the fam this year. My folks are very supportive of what I’m doing, so, I know that they’ll help me to be comfortable in any way they can while they’re here visiting. And, that’s a relief.
My struggle at the moment is, I don’t really know what I want to happen on Thanksgiving.
My initial reaction was, I want them to drink. It’s a part of our holiday celebration. It always has been. And, just because I’m not partaking anymore, doesn’t mean no one else can. And, I don’t want to feel othered. I don’t want to feel that people aren’t drinking for my sake. I hate the idea of being tiptoed around. So, for the longest time, I’ve been dead set on insisting that my folks get wine to enjoy on the holiday.
But, as the holiday approaches, and as I get further and further into my sobriety, I wonder if that’s the best thing. Wine is one of those things I struggle with on the daily. Dining out, dining in. For the longest time, it’s just been second nature. Dinner, a glass of good wine, bam, perfection. Same deal on the holidays. It’s just not a holiday without a wine glass floating between my fore and middle fingers. And, while I still have the option to control my surroundings, having my folks around with no other guests, maybe I should try to omit the vino from my Thanksgiving holiday memory repertoire altogether this year.
Come Christmastime, I won’t have that luxury. I will be thrown at the mercy of my Irish Catholic cousins, Aunts, Uncles, family friends, significant others, and there’s just no predicting what I’ll face and how I’ll react. How will they react to me? It’s all speculation. But, Thanksgiving…I can control.
So, I stand undecided presently. Do I want to practice being around alcohol, having my parents enjoy their (once our) holiday tradition? Or do I want to take this potential freebie holiday and see how many nice memories can be made, wine bottle absent from the motley crew.
I’m gonna stew on it as I frantically clean this apartment. Because, wine or no wine, my parents are coming!
And, this place is a dump!