Day 82: Phased Out

As my strange week winds down, I’m happy to report that new, good things are on the horizon.

I was informed at my rehab center, that next week, I enter phase two of my treatment program. This news is a pretty big deal for me. It means a lot of different things. Most of which are good, some of which are scary, none of which are bad. It seems that this change is pretty indicative of my current sobriety. And, that’s encouraging.

Phase Two at my treatment center means that I’m bumped down from attending five days a week to only three. It means that I’m making progress. It means that I’m on the right track. It means that my counselors and facilitators think that I have sufficient tools to start getting out into the world, and step away from our little recovery bubble. For me, it means some pretty big changes.

Two days free, in addition to the weekend, is a lot of free time. And, I’ve already started to get antsy about not working. So, getting back into the workforce, even part time, is something that I need to start working on. I also need to make more time for my recovery in my home. Currently, I spend a lot of time at AA meetings and at my treatment center, where it’s pretty easy to access recovery. With the majority of my time off, before I get a job anyway, I need to make sure that I’m working my program even when I’m away from the safe spaces that have nurtured my recovery for the past three months or so.

I have to be diligent and vigilant. But, as I sit here writing this, I realize, mostly, I have to be excited.

I’m being phased out of the program, and that’s a good thing! It means progress. And, while my sobriety is still pretty new, I’m starting to feel like it’s kind of normal. It may not come as first nature, but, it’s become a routine that I’m familiar and almost comfortable with, at least for the better part of the day. Part-time rehab gives me a chance to ease into my new life in recovery. It gives me time to see where things work and fit into my life, and where things need amendments. I’ll have a chance before I’m cut loose to say, hey, this isn’t working for me, and to find solutions that do before I’m completely on my own.

I am really fucking thrilled to be moving forward in my life outside of recovery. I feel ready. My rehab clinicians are really in tune with where I’m at, and I think that’s pretty impressive. But, I’d be a liar if I didn’t acknowledge that I’m a little freaked out. It’s easy to trust in all these gifts of recovery when you have a huge safety blanket to wrap yourself up in on your fearful days. As the days go on, that safety blanket gets a little bit smaller, then, even smaller.

Commencing with bravery and confidence is key. I know what needs to be done. And, getting it done, well…that’s the next phase. And, I’ll have to fill you in when I get there.

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