One thing that can’t be avoided in sobriety, unfortunately, is illness.
Today, I found myself in a lot of pain with unusual symptoms. And, though uninsured, I went to the doctor. I am not a doctor person. Let me tell you. In fact, I fucking hate going. I associate them with the bad news bears. Doctors, dentists, gynos, they all kinda freak me out.
Don’t ask me why. I’ve never had anything really physically wrong with me. I’ve never broken a bone or had a cavity. It’s all just fear. Unwarranted fear.
So, I went to the doctor today, in the spirit of health and, well, insane amounts of worry. And, everything is ok. Still waiting on some tests to come back. But, if it’s what the doc thinks it is, the course is straight forward, and the condition no big deal. Just uncomfortable. And, I’ve become pretty well acquainted with discomfort the past few months. It may be a different variety, but, I’ve found some pretty good ways to distract myself from pain.
I’m drained. So, I’ll be brief today. Giving myself a break from worry, recovery, meetings, baking, entertaining, ect.
However abbreviated, I suppose today does have a small lesson for me. Facing fears, real or imagined, isn’t pleasant. But, it’s necessary in order to get well. And, that may seem like a simple equation to most, but, for me, it was a lesson that was hard earned.
I am the queen of avoidance. And, in learning to face the fears that live in my head, I know that I’ve better equipped myself to take care of myself, body and soul.