As millions of people all over the globe gathered to watch the ball drop, waving in the new year, I stood outside of an AA meeting room. Sucking down a cigarette.
I resolve to quit smoking. Someday. Some year. Though, if this is that year, I couldn’t tell you. The truth is, I’m not one for resolutions. In part, because it’s never been my M.O. to keep huge, sweeping promises to myself. But, this year, for some reason, which I’m going to go ahead and guess is my sobriety, it doesn’t seem implausible that I set some realistic goals for myself in this new year.
In years past, I’ve done what most of humanity does, resolving to eat better, drink less, exercise more, save money, write more, stress less, yadda, yadda, yadda. All little commitments that were easily overlooked after a month or two. These days, my goals aren’t as broad as they once were. In fact, they’re pretty specific. Stay sober. Stay sober. Stay sober.
It’s a pretty big goal, but, it’s totally doable. Especially if I set myself up for success. Keep on the path I’ve been walking, one foot in front of the other. Meetings, therapy, keeping my relationships, of all varieties, open and honest. Sobriety is one of those glistening balls that’s orbited by a bunch of other little murky balls. A delicate balance of everything. Which, I’m not gonna lie, is going to require some “resolutions”, but, I’m not going to call them resolutions. I’m going to call them changes. Because change sounds more permanent. Something that’s going to stick.
I’m ringing in this New Year in the best place I know, where sobriety is concerned. I’m going with Lars to a few marathon AA meetings. And then, going back to his place and drinking some kind of sparkling non-alcoholic beverage when the clock counts down to zero.
As far as I can tell, there isn’t any way that 2013 can be worse than 2012. It’s pretty much impossible. Barring some catastrophic happening that literally destroys my life. Which, I’m going to go ahead and assume isn’t going to happen. 2012 will stand in my mind and memory as the year I dropped the ball. And, the year that I got it rolling. I may have started it off with a DUII, still helplessly broken in my heart and mind, but, I’m closing it out sober. Rebuilding the foundation on which I stand. I can honestly say that I’m able start off 2013 with a fresh, clean slate.
Tonight, I may not resolve to do anything, but, that’s because I’ve already had to change everything.
I have so much gratitude for the new life I’ve only just begun to build. The new people. The new challenges and the new rewards. It’s already a new year.
I don’t need a sparkly ball of lit crystals to fire the starting gun of my life this year. I fired that gun myself, September 9th, 2012, my sobriety date. I made a resolution that, so far, I’ve kept. And, standing at the edge of this year, I can already see how far I’ve come. And, having kept that promise, now I know just how far I can go.
2013. Here I am. Come and get it.