Day 132: I’ll Land Where I Land.

It’s time to get the ball rolling.

As scared as I’ve been to face the new world I’m about to re-enter, I know it’s time. Time to think about work. I’ve been fortunate enough to take the time I needed in treatment to get sober without having to work. And, having that space to move around in, to figure myself out, has been wonderful. Something I will never forget for all my days. Five months where I got to dissect myself. Figure out who I am without booze. Figure out what I like and what I’m passionate about. I’m not this empty shell anymore. When I step in front of the bathroom mirror, I recognize myself. Heck, I almost like myself. Imagine that.

In order to really, really, truly like myself, I know that the time has come for me to start supporting myself. I’ve been so grateful to have the help of my family and the state, but, in my mind, part of my recovery is reestablishing that foothold of independence. It’s something I have always prided myself on, my self-sufficiency. And, in sobriety, that can be a slippery slope. I have to be careful not to slip back into commander mode, where I am completely autonomous and alone.

As I start to put myself back out there, beginning my search for a new job, I have to remember to see where I need help. I need to stay connected to my recovery, because, I know if I let that slip, everything else is soon to follow. But, today, in this moment, I can step up and take action. It’s time to advocate for myself. Trust my strengths and abilities. And, trust my God to help me find the place where I belong.

Having a higher power with me, this time around, makes looking for work seem easier. Sure, I’ve got to do the footwork. I spent two hours at Kinko’s revamping my cover letter and resume, scouring the internet for positions that really speak to me. But, at the end of the day, I am who I am, and, my experience is what it is…this time around I’m going to stop worrying about the search, and trust that God will put the right place when it all comes to an end. I have faith. Faith that I’m going to land with my feet solidly on the ground. I’m no longer interested in manipulating the picture to make it look a certain way. I’ve tried that method, and I’ve never come out on the other side, happy.

Taking action feels good. I submitted an application to a job that sounded great to me. And, if I’m meant to get it, I’ll get it. I don’t have this fear of rejection and impending disappointment. Faith in my higher power makes getting back out into the world and workplace seem so much easier. And, today, I am grateful that I get to be myself as I dive into the new world. My little dream, right in front of me. A happy worker amongst workers.

A sturdy boat, pulling ashore.

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