As I settle into sobriety, I’ve been finding myself trying to let go of the attachment to my AA home group.
The meeting at 7AM that essentially got me sober, is wearing on me. The personalities, the constant positivity, the meddling, not to mention the early hour. My days are a bit more free now that I’m out of rehab, and, a few extra ZZZs have definitely been in order. And, while I know that I owe my home group my loyalty, and yes, attendance, I’ve starting to switch up my meetings for variety.
It’s been fun hopping from meeting to meeting in the Portland area. There are so, so, so many meetings and they all have their own quirky vibe. There are a lot of faces I know in the new rooms that I show up in, and, that’s a comfort most days. Going to a new AA meeting by yourself can kind of feel like showing up to a party without a +1. You feel exposed, naked. Most groups are attended by the same folks, day in and day out. So, a new face is always given the once over.
But, it’s also exciting to know that so much sobriety exists outside the little bubbles we build around ourselves for safety. With all the little, close-knit meetings I attend, I can easily forget how big the sober world is out there. There are things to do, people to meet, and all kinds of different stories to hear and share. For an hour, you can sit in an AA group full of people you will most likely never see again and share your story, your struggle, your hurt and pain. That’s pretty crazy, and a super nice security blanket to have if you feel like blowing off a little steam and don’t want your home group to freak out on you, which, mine just might!
I’ve found that some groups don’t hold a candle to my home group. Well, that’s my humble opinion anyway. And, it’s good to get that perspective, since I’ve been feeling a little smothered by my home group these days. After all, there’s a reason that it’s called your home group. It’s your sobriety family. They know where you’re at in your journey. They see you go in and out, hit highs and lows. And, they know you well enough to feel comfortable asking you what’s up if they feel like something might be wrong.
As I bounce around from meeting to meeting, I find my mind returning to my home group in my mind. Comparing. Judging. And, just like your family of origin, no matter how much something or someone may drive you crazy, eventually, you’ll come home. And, it will feel good. All those little things that bugged you, well, they’ll melt away.
So tomorrow, I’m setting my alarm for a good ol’ early risin’. Because, at the end of the day (or the very beginning, I should say), my home group is, well, home.