Day 205: The New Recruits

Unemployment has officially gotten old.

While, at one point, the promise of wide open weeks, trips to the gym, strolls around town, hours reading on the couch, and AA meetings anytime I needed one seemed an epic blessing, now, it’s just an endless drag. Boredom.

Boredom is no bueno for people in recovery. If we’re not careful, our drugs of choice start to seem very appealing. And, while I haven’t actually craved a drink, the thought of sitting in a restaurant in the middle of the afternoon, paging through my latest book, snacking on something light, with a lovely glass of wine seems just perfect.

So, I met with a job recruiter. I signed up to temp and got my resume floating around their office in hopes, eventually, of a fabulous full-time gig. Because, with every day that goes by, I feel my enthusiasm begin to wane. I am trying the best I can to stay positive, keep the faith that I’ll get the job I’m supposed to get when I’m supposed to get it, but, at a certain point I’ve started to feel like a useless lug.

I’ve been visiting my treatment center so frequently, most of the staff there still thinks that I’m a full-time client. The librarians at the various library branches I’ve been hitting up inform me that I’ve exhausted their material on Chinese Medicine. And, my little cat snuggling on my legs has become more like an annoying fixture than a rare treat.

I just have to keep on keeping on. Applying for jobs as often as they pop up on the computer screen, and, keep myself busy in the interim. It’s been fairly easy, up until this point. I know it requires patience and focus, and yes, faith too. But, as time goes on, it gets harder and harder to hold fast to those things. My alcoholic brain starts to speak up, reminding me what a useless, pathetic, stupid waste I am. And, invites me to return to the pub where, if nothing else, I won’t be alone.

So, I shush my negative brain and try to fire up the positive synapses. Attention new recruits! Let’s start firing up some good vibes in this piece! It’s time to hang tough, because the good shit’s just around the corner.

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