Day 227: Amped

Having booked my trip to Ireland, I feel a new wave of inspiration.

Of course, I’m more than excited for the trip itself, planning it, and getting ready for it in terms of the logistics. But, having it just a few weeks off has lit a fire under my butt. I’m suddenly amped to finish some of the things that I have been doing. Like, my 4th step, I’ve been “almost done” with it for a few weeks now. My pending trip is a really great reason to get it done. And, to get my 5th step done as well.

I imagine myself at the peak of Croagh Patrick and being free of all that crap. Free of the stress of just getting it all done. All those resentments, all that shame, gone. And, since it’s so completely doable, not even stress-worthy to finish it all up here on my little red couch, the trip is great incentive to just be through with it all.

There’s the job search that I’ll return to when I get back home. And, while recently that’s been getting me down, I’d like to think that getting away and then coming back will send me forth in my search with a new energy. I will have done something in my life that I will never do again, most likely. It’s a unique opportunity for my freedom, my spirit, and my God. I can’t predict the future, nor will I pretend to know anything about anything, but, I do know that since I’ve gotten sober, the universe has made some strange shifts. Ones that seemed to occur as if by some divine knowledge that I was ready for this new thing, challenge, or relationship. Perhaps the universe will intuitively know that “I’m ready now,” when I get back. And, then again, maybe it won’t.

Being amped and excited, I often find myself playing the soothsayer. This will lead to this. Plan this to avoid this.

But, that’s the old me thinking. When I stop myself from incessantly planning and micromanaging every detail, I realize that’s what this trip is about. Winging it. Experience for experience’s sake. It’s OK to have an outline, more than OK, an outline is good. But, I know I’m going to find my joy in the wiggle room….

Adventure. Excitement. Reconnecting with God in a special place. History. Culture. AND Mistakes. Wrong turns. Sheep in the middle of the highway. Missing road signs.

It’s exactly what recovery has been gearing me up for: The rewards where you can reap them, lessons where you can learn them, and patience in between.

Today was a flood of list making. Trip plans. Goals to accomplish before leaving. Care instructions for my precious kitty.

And, with each quick scrawl across my notepad, a tiny electric shock of positive energy. Excitement I feel all the way to my marrow.

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