Day 234: Laughs

I met an old friend for coffee today and laughed my ass off.

It was great catching up with her, not only because I adore her, but, because she is one of the funniest people I know.

I remember while I was still drinking, it took so much to make me laugh. You’d have to work on me pretty hard to even get a smile. I was so hell bent on letting everyone know that I was tough. And, while I may have been a miserable mess in need of a laugh desperately, I wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction.

These days, I’m laughing all the time. Because sobriety is starting to look good on me. I can see the humor in almost everything, and more than that, I can appreciate it. Everything has taken on a lighter, more playful mood. It’s all good, as they say. The experience of being in the dark has made the light so much brighter. I just had to let it in, open that door of willingness.

I behave differently. Like I’m much younger again. Lars and I act like children. It’s behavior that I would have judged and looked down on a few months ago. I couldn’t see the point in being ridiculous. Now, I see that the point is ridiculous. Having fun, being busy, being engaged in great activities, all these things are meant to be enjoyed. When I first got sober, I participated in activities for the sole reason of keeping sober. If  I was at a meeting, out to dinner with sober friends, in a yoga workshop, on a coffee date…I wasn’t drinking. But, those activities are the things I want to be sober for today.

As I sipped my latte and chatted with my friend I felt so much more connected. I felt things for her that I had real access to, that I could share with her. And, I was more available to her than I’d been in a long time.

Coming home, my belly still sore from all the laughs, I passed my old pub in the car. I saw a few of the old regulars ponied up to the bar. And, for a split second it made me want to go in and show them how different I am now. But, I know that for every piece of me that wants to go in and have things be different, deep down, I know it won’t be. I know that, to them, my sobriety is probably laugh-worthy.

And, to that, all I can say is: Laugh it up chuckles.


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