Please, allow me to bore the shit out of you.
This blog sometimes stresses me out. I think about coming home and sitting at the computer and writing something witty or poignant. I think about sharing the message of AA. Trying to impart all the great gifts of sobriety. But, sometimes, I’m empty. Nil and void. Done-so. Depleted. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I’m in recovery. Sometimes, I just want to sit down and write, simply: I am laying in bed and watching Netflix, all day. And leave it at that.
And, tonight, that’s how I felt. As a reader, today, couldn’t have been a more boring narrative. I got up. I showered. I went to an AA meeting. I went to work. I sat on a park bench and talked to my mom on my lunch break. I drove home. I ate dinner. I climbed into bed and, naturally, watched Netflix.
It’s so painfully route and banal that it bores me. So, I sat here, dissecting my drab daily existence, trying to find some morsel of eloquent goodness with which to entertain you. And, after a goodly amount of staring at the screen it dawned on me. Today, nothing happened, and, heck, it wasn’t bad.
It seems kind of silly, but, when I was drinking, all I wanted was a day without drama. A day where I could just live without worry or complaint, without dirt or damage, without turmoil or temptation.
Today, because I’m sober, because I put one foot in front of the other, because I do the next right thing, I get to enjoy some semblance of normalcy. And, for once in my life, I’m not devastated that my life is somewhat routine. I’m grateful. I’m blessed that I have all the things I have. I don’t need to have some climactic end to my day to make it worthwhile.
So, I’m sorry if I’ve bored you. But, in all honesty, I’ve never been happier to be one boring and banal motherfucker.